If you have a “type” you need to shred it, now! If it hasn’t worked with that particular “type” before, what makes you think falling for the same type will produce a different result?
Why do I think you don’t want to get married?
- You’re “Miss Independent” – Guys don’t want a girl that is helpless, but they also don’t want to feel helpless themselves. The word is interdependent. Guys want to feel important, and part of feeling important is providing.
I have a wonderful friend named Brooke. She’s cute, successful, and very social. Of the many great conversations we’ve had over the past year, one stand out amongst the rest. She asked me, “Ryan, why can’t I find a husband?” How am I supposed to respond to that? You see, I think Brooke is amazing, but she’s one of those girls that’s determined to do things on her own. She graduated college in architectural design, has a great job, and just bought her own house a few years ago. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that she probably doesn’t need a man. She gets asked out a lot, has had a few boyfriends over the last few years, but nothing mentioning engagement or marriage. We talked about interdependence and she said she’s working on it.
- You’ve Got “Commitment” Issues – Girls, as much as guys, often have a fear of commitment. If you can’t commit to something and stick with it through thick and thin, do you really think marriage is a good option?
Listen; we’re all nervous about an eternal commitment, but until it comes to actually making that commitment, don’t worry about it so much. Take it one step at a time. Don’t start running from the altar on the second date.
- You “Overthink” Things – Well he said this, but did he really mean that? He took me here on a second date, does this mean that he… ? A guy can’t possibly win when you try to read into and overthink everything.
The truth is that a lot of things guys do, they do without really putting as much thought into it as you think they do. And when they do and it’s not boldly obvious what they’re thinking, it’s probably not as big as you think it is. Guys are physical, girls are emotional. Anytime you base your thinking on two different things, how can you expect that overthinking things is going to help you get married?
- You Don’t Play The Game – You have to be in the game to win the game. How are you supposed to find a husband if you don’t put forth the effort?
Think of the game a lot like fishing. You have to have a sturdy pole and a nice reel. But the most important part of the whole deal is the bait. You can use a bright and shiny lure, cast it out, and reel in hoping a fish jumps on the line. Repeat and reuse. You can use a jig, holding it in one spot and flashing it up and down until a fish grabs it. You can troll, using a flasher with bait and a hook in tow while driving the boat across zones with heavy fish populations. You can also just put bait on the line, cast it out there, and wait. The point is: You have to have your line in the water with a hook on it if you hope to catch a fish.
- You Don’t Work Towards It – You’ve given up, hang out excessively, or just don’t date with the intent of developing serious relationships.
Marriage is work and anyone telling you different is lying. If you’re not working towards marriage, what makes anyone think you’re going to work once you’re married.
- You Continue To Date The Same Type – If it’s not working, why keep going back to it? Are you too comfortable dating one type or are you too comfortable not dating at all?
How can you expect to keep doing the same thing, yet expect a different result? Try something different. A good friend of mine, Melanie, did this exact thing. She always went for the pretty boys with girls literally draping off their shoulders. She would flirt up a storm, work hard but only get 1 or 2 dates, maybe a NCMO, practically ignore other guys attempts, and wonder why she couldn’t hook a man. Then, at the suggestion of her home teacher, she started saying yes to date opportunities outside of the guys she always seemed to go after. She dated several guys over the next year before getting engaged and marrying the man of her dreams.
Listen up: Dating is a game. A lot of people say they don’t like to play games, yet their unwillingness to play the game is a game in and of itself. Fishing or chess, apples to apples or phase 10, settlers or pit; you can’t win unless you play, develop a strategy, put on the right bait, and stop running for the hills when you’ve actually got one on the line.
You say you want to get married, but do you really?