The other day, one of the guys I hometeach asked me a very simple question, “Ryan, are there any girls in the ward you think I would be compatible with that maybe I’ve overlooked?” Now at first I didn’t know how to answer the question and wanted to respond asking, “Well what girls haven’t you taken out yet.” Let’s face it, we don’t know if we are compatible with someone unless we’ve interacted with them in a one-on-one setting, by means of a date.
Instead, I asked him what qualities he typically looks for in a girl. He named off a few and I suggested some others that may fit him. I then asked him if he’d taken Brittany out yet. He went on to say, “No, not yet, but she seems so skiddish.” I asked him why he thought that and he responded with a couple examples. I hadn’t paid that much attention before, but it totally made sense.
Girls: Guys talk, this shouldn’t be a surprise. Granted, we don’t talk in depth or even in the same way that you do, but we do talk about you with other guys.
This means that if you develop positive relationships with guys, you are giving yourself a chance for more guys to ask you out. Turn guys down consistently or shy away from dates, even if you don’t think you may be a good match, and chances are they’ve shared this with their home teachers and other guys in the ward.
We don’t play by the same rules. So what if our roommate took you out last month. So what if you dated one of our buddies in the ward and it didn’t work out. Leave with a positive experience and you will receive help from them in your future dating experiences. Even if our roommate took you out last month, that doesn’t mean we won’t want to take you out after our roommate gives you a positive referral.
Needless to say, I began recommending to the guy I hometeach other girls that he could perhaps be a match for.
Let’s be honest, we all love to hate the existence of the ward directory, or more commonly known as, the ward menu. We all love it because it gives us the opportunity to scout out the ward. We all hate it because it literally looks like a menu.
The ward menu is a great way for someone new to the ward to remember new names and familiarize themselves with the ward leaders. And while we’re on it, it can be a way to check out the girls you might want to date.
I know what you’re thinking: But Ryan, what about the creepers?
And with that; A few tips on how not to use the ward menu to pick up girls.
- Do not use the ward menu to contact girls you’ve never met.
- Do not send a creepy letter to someone telling them that you’ve been watching them.
- Do not text girls that don’t have your number. That’s why they call Facebook stalking, well, Facebook stalking. Add them as your friend, we know you have a few in common because we’re Mormon, and wait for them to click accept. Chat them up a time or two if you can’t get close enough at church or an activity to chat one-on-one.
Ladies, this post is for you. Recently a friend of mine asked me how to dump a guy softly, and here is a portion of my response.
You know how when you first go out with a guy it can be petty exciting, but it kind of wears off after a few dates? Or a guy you don’t really want to go out with keeps asking you out? You try to think of a way to let him down gently or without confrontation, but it typically winds up with you just ignoring him. If you do actually talk to him, it’s the classic “let’s be friends” talk or the “it’s not you it’s me” spiel.
I’m here to tell you that all you’re doing is making it harder on yourself. Ignoring him means unnecessary texts, missed phone calls/emails, and even awkward confrontations. Telling him you just want to be “friends” is like telling him that you still want to be close, and someday you might think of him as more. Telling him that “it’s me” is just a flat lie.
Save yourself a lot of hassle and let him be a man, unless it really is your intention to string him along. Men do not need a sugar coat. They do not need a buffer. Men move on and get over things a lot faster when they see the ending. End things with him. Don’t give him hope of a future relationship if that’s not something you want.
This means telling him you don’t want to go on another date with him, not that you’re too busy. This means telling him that you’re just not interested in dating him, not that he’s like a brother or that you want to be friends. This means telling him that there is someone else that you are more interested in dating. This does not mean insulting him, but this does mean ending things with him.
Does it hurt to be a man? Yes it does sometimes, but those trials are what allow us to grow and to move on to the next girl rather that sit and dwell on you. So please, if you really don’t want to continue to date one of us, let us be a man.
I’ve found that my dating life consists somewhat of patterns. As Spring hits, I tend to find an extra bounce in my step. I find myself dating Spring Chickens in the 18-19 year old range.
Take Courtney for example. Courtney is 19, blonde, and fresh from completing her frosh year of college. She’s bubbly, fun, and makes me feel young. Our dates are simple and filled with positivity and a care free attitude. She’s young and doesn’t know exactly what she wants yet. And you know what, it’s kinda exciting!
At 25, the age gap is only 6 years, but I see the look on other girls faces when I walk in with Courtney. You know what I’m talking about, THAT look. Not that it deters me, but it makes me think, “Why are you looking at me like I’m robbing the cradle?”
Are there patterns in your dating life?
Did you know that it’s almost SUMMER? We’re now full on into that season before summer known as spring and it’s time to clear something up: spring time mean spring colors. I know it’s still snowing in Utah, but elsewhere it is sunny and starting to warm up.
The girls wearing spring colors are the ones getting our attention. If it’s May and you’re still wearing your fall colors or winter blacks, we suggest you put them away and bust out the pastels and floral prints.
Men, this means you too! Put away the dark ties and bust out the the lavender, coral, and sunshine yellows!
What are your favorite color/clothes combinations and styles this spring?
What are your Facebook profile picture pet peeves?
Busy Bee Lauren is a well known blogger best known for being awesome, or as she puts it, awesomespice! Yes, she even has her very own vocabulary. Her blog follows her adventures from 18 and waiting for her now husband, Ted, to him coming home and getting married in 2008. Lately, she has been documenting their adventures as they live in this crazy world together as a silly, happy married couple.
A while back, TheSinglesWard asked her if she wanted to write a guest post. Lauren responded, asking for a topic. We told her that the sky is the limit, to which she responded with the following confession.